I trust my life in the hands of my life

It's the end of 2010! What a weird year it has been.

By now I should be living on my own, have a job and a profession and a driver's license. By now I should be enjoying my free time with hard core fun (meaning 'get drunk everytime you can' or at least that's what it looks like for those who really are going on with their life, in a way).

But the truth is I'm just a student - yet again. The truth is that I'm just as messed up, lost and got no clue where to go but at least life always shows me a direction. Just need to take advantage of all the paths given.

Btw, it wasn't Halloween.

Then again I've been thinking that I'm not the kind that gets best memories out of travelling, being drunk all night or.. I don't know. Shopping? Ha. I like being with people, as long as I don't have to interact with them (Okay, that's not 100% true, don't worry). Yeeep.... It's just that I love to observe people. Usually I don't get to know persons very well. I know it by now 'cause for example I don't know much about my class mates from Lohja. Yes, I know, it doesn't sound logic to observe and not to know but there's this thing about humans called a shield. And behind it is the true part. By observing you can't get to it 'cause people usually aren't open like that.

Oh how much I miss them! My old class mates. They were an awesome bunch of people. We had so much fun and even when we didn't at least we were in that shit together. I haven't seen them in such a long time. I believe in 2010 I saw none of them? No wait, I did see one few times. But one out of so many people... I'm hoping we are going to have a get together this spring or summer. Some of them have had a child, some are studying and some are working. That's nice! I'm glad they've found jobs. But anyway, it might be hard to find a perfect time and place to see them. If you're wondering why I brought this up now when I'm thinking about the whole year, it's because one of my old class mates called me in Christmas. It was like the best Christmas present ever!  

 Actually you can never say a person is 'just' a student. Sorry for the expression And besides I do live on my own so at least something has gone right this year. Then again it hasn't got big affect on me 'cause been there, done that. Just a little bit different forms. You know I am from Vantaa. When I turned 16, I moved to Hamina to study for one year. After that I was in Lohja for little bit over 3 years. And those years I lived in dorms. While I was studying in Lohja, I went for this job rehearsal in Kokkola. Stayed there for 5 weeks. Usually the biggest question for me is "where next?" and I don't think about the how as much as the where. Honestly, it's weird sometimes to see people - young people - to actually THINK over and over again if they can move to some other city etc. But then again I'm a little bit rootless and I don't get home sick that much so I can just go. It's a good thing and bad thing. Maybe I will some day settle down but honestly I don't give a fuck about it today!

So I dropped off from school on February (if I remember correctly). Not my thing that youth worker stuff and besides there were a lot of stupid things involved etc. What next? Well, I remembered I have this friend called Heikki who was studying in this weird school which sounded like an interesting place so let's see if I'm gonna find myself from there later on (and here I am!)

One of the best things was being a volunteer in Kivenlahtirock. That was awesome! I made at least two new awesome friends there!

During this year I've been living with other peoples money (sossupummi), been unemployed, had a lot of new friends, met a lot of new people, had a lot of new experiences, been a rather good student if you compare to my past, experienced few rather awesome gigs, found awesome new things and bands to enjoy...

Days so hot a nuclear melt down would feel like a Siberian blizzard

WHAT'S UP NEXT YEAR?

Well, I dont know. I want a sofa. I am going to be a volunteer for Kivenlahtirock again (if they want me... haha) and I'm thinkin about signing up as a volunteer for Maailma Kylässä-festival also. Because I'm gonna go there anyway, so why not try a little bit different view... Might be that I'll try to get to be a volunteer also in Myötätuulirock... Don't know yet. 

I'm starting few new hobbies, let's see how it will go. There's gonna be a lot of new experiences with school, of course. I'm gonna turn 22. Okay, nothing special there...

I am making promises but just a few:

* I promise to try not to be so afraid of almost everything 
* I promise to try to seriously always go with my diet so people don't have to listen me complain how it huuuuuuurts...
* I promise to go and search for new interesting things and situations
* I promise to keep dust safe in my home <3
* I promise to try to be a little bit less explosive...
* I promise to go where life throws me 'cause 

I trust my life in the hands of my life 

(it knows best what to do with it) 

Me and my dear, DEAR friend <3

I'm a cow, I MOO and stuff

 Oh Christmas! Long gone by now and still my tummy is full of food! Or at least it feels like it 'cause I'm sick and not that hungry.

See our lovely Christmas tree! Isn't it nice... Errr. Well I had few presents under it so I'm not complaining. I got coffee from my friend! That's like the best thing you can give me.

Also I got this AWESOME Pikachu from the hippies! COOLEST THING EVER! Besides, the Pikachu has a story. As you can see, there's two pictures. The one on the left is from this year and the one on the right is few years back from Kuopio. Nice!

And then I got this cow which is actually a milk can or what ever. You put milk in it and put it on coffee table and then your guests can pour milk to their coffee and it comes from the cow's mouth! Got it? How cool is that! Now I need a table to have honourable coffee guests to test my cow. Volunteers? (For the guest-part, not the table-part...)

Watch out! It's a snowy mess

Everyone needs a mirror picture... right? :D

I'm bored, I'm bored... what should I do...

I'm a dog and I look like a snowball...

Our hectare full of snow

No snow here! Look elsewhere.

Winter. Some might say.

Hopefully there's no bikermice from Mars here...

Trying to find Christmas spirit, I guess...

Welcome to Helsinki - never ending hurry

SNAP

On Thursday I was overnight at my friends house. They have this really cool kitten who decided to use my face as a scrathing tree. How nice! Lovely! Awesome!

On Friday I left quite early to Joensuu so I could catch the train which leaves at 12. Early for me, anyway. Usually I buy the ticket in advance but hey, of course the train is full when I decide not to do so. No worries though, I called my friend who was, luckily, at home and I spent three hours at his place drinking coffee and eating chocolate.

When I got to the train, found my place and was annoyed by the fact that it was this stupid 'cabin'like place where the seat was, I thought that it couldn't get much worse. The day I mean. But of course you never should think like that. It didn't take too long before there was two awful small children in the same area as I was. And if you didn't know - I dont like children, especially under schoolaged. Obviously I didnt die during the train trip so happy ending there. (And by the way, I dont like cats either. Not that much. Little bit but not much)

Then I spent three nights at my friends house even though she wasn't at home much.

Mörkö Hietala <3

On Saturday I went to rise my Christmas spirit with my other friend. It was time for Raskasta Joulua-concert! A W E S O M E ! We were just drooling all over 'cause you know - nothing says Christmas more than men with leather pants singing Ave Maria! And hey, Ari Koivunen came to the stage after Jarkko Ahola! It didnt look as awful as last year! ...but I was still so ashamed every time he opened his mouth. To sing or to speak. He did sing some duettos with Marco Hietala and I must say that I didnt like them, surprise surprise. Next time I hope we can get the tickets to the adult version with no Ari Koivunen. Oh yeah, he looked like an alien when he had his hat on. HA HA HA! But after all the drooling, screaming, singing etc we had Christmas spirit burnt in our hearts with my friend Jenna. AH! The best thing in Finland! Oh, and Ahola was looking quite good with a beard(likethingey).

At my friend's house I just slept. A lot! I wasnt tired, at least I dont think so, but it's vacation so nothing better to do, aye? Then I drank some hot chocolate with alcohol, minty! (That can't be a word...) And as you probably did see, I found the anykey! How happy am I!

My friend's funny dog

By now I have eaten A LOT, been shopping some FOOD for me ('cause I dont eat that or that or this or that because of my health and my mom is the worst to make food which I can eat or even buy it so need to handle it myself even though it's easy as hell).  Now I have a lot of mineral water (not that much, just six bottles or so), papaya bites, peach bites and ananas. Also nut bars (or something? I dont know how to translate it) and cottage cheese. AND of course this juice  I'm addicted to! I know you couldnt care less but I can also tell you that soon I'm going to make dinner! Meat, cauliflower and broccoli. NAM!

Dont ask, I dont know

I got nothing interesting to tell you. You can feel the whole enviroment being filled with HURRY in here (well I mean in Helsinki. Not here where I am, in the middle of a forrest. You'll see when I get enough energy to take some pics of our yard. Even though this is in Vantaa, still it's a little bit middle of nowhere). And stressed out people worrying about the snow and Christmas. I try not to get involved with hurrying, it's basically stupid. If your life is not the one you might loose then why hurry? And this comes from a person who cant sit still but then again that has got nothing to do with hurrying. I usually dont even stress even though some might think that me yelling and screaming is me being stressed but thats not. Thats just me being annoyed. When I'm stressed, I'm probably not doing very well with my health. So if I am stressed then I'm just at home 'cause I cant get out of the house. Hah. Funny.

Must say - there's nothing saying family Christmas as much as my mom coming from Alko with a booze bottle in her hands. Ah, Christmas... There's going to be a weird Christmas this year. My oldest brother is going to be here and my oldest sister also. That's something you don't see often and probably don't even want to. Did I allready told you how much I hate anything that has something to do with 'family'? Did I already tell you that I hate his motherfucking house? The one thing I have always wanted to do, is to get the fuck away from here. And here I am, once again, chained to spent the Christmas. Yippee?

There was some talk going on about Radio Kupari and Teemu is trying to get the thing rolling, I guess. At least there has been some messages from him concerning that subject. But my messages back has been not useful 'cause I got no idea if I will even survive New Year etc. Heh. Anyway, I think I'm going to be doing something if I can found something useful to do. We'll see.

And sorry for putting shitty pics in here but my posts happen to be little long time to time that I thought shitty pics is better than no pics. Dont know.

Tervetuloa Helsinkiin - Tervetuloa kiireeseen

I found the anykey!

 I found the anykey from my friend's remote! And then I laughed for like fifteen minutes 'cause she didn't know what it is. Yeeeep, I have brilliant friends! ;)

(More from my adventurous vacation, coming soon!)

Where, who, what!?

 NOT BAD! Only three of the persons we were supposed to film today didn't show up. Well one was sick, other didn't want to be filmed in the end and the third one just wasn't where he was supposed to be.

But still we did get enough material which we can use. Well, I'm not the camera man or the director so I don't know but that's what I heard them say so... Besides we have something like 90 minutes of material. It probably contains something we can use. If it doesn't then I'm just gonna hate Sami and Heikki for a while.

It has been rather fun to be doing this in many different locations. In total everything has run quite smoothly. Just some basic problems but nothing special from my point of view. The biggest thing for me was the phone calls and would've been all the social stuff with the persons we are interviewing etc but luckily I was the sound guy so my part was mostly make the persons more uncomfortamble (not really. Can't you hear my sarcastic voice?) But yeah, it's just weird to think how you need to take into consideration the persons and... I don't know. Communicate! I hate communicating. It's so hard. So many people and so many locations and... The way you see in their eyes that they are a) nervous b) curious c) looking at us with this 'WTF'-expression. 

More coffee next time to keep me happy! That would be nice! But yeah, now I can enjoy my vacation with the health which can't keep up with me.

Snow Hattifattener I made in 2005 :)

Yesterday I came home and I was just frozen. The same way you feel when you have a high fever. I usually don't have a fever and if I do, these days I'm almost everytime in a hospital 'cause it rises so high and is usually a mark of something bigger going on. I thought that the basic body temperature of a person can't change but at least with me it has. When I was younger I had the basic 36.5-37 or something like that. These days it's a miracle if the thermometer shows over 36! Usually I'm just hanging aroung 35.5-36.  But yesterday I was frozen and my body temperature was 34.2. No wonder I felt a little bit cold, aye? It did rise almost to 35 during the evening and a little bit more during the night so I'm again 'fine'. (The whole thing is - obviously, I'm not sure but somebody said something like it - based on this disease I have and the body's way to fight some infections with low temperature. Funny!)

If you are wondering why the heck am I telling this, the reason comes here: I just wanna say to all of those who think you must go to school if you don't have a fever - SHUT THE FUCK UP! :)

Because I don't want to end this post in a rude way, I need to ask that have you ever explored Moomin words in English? If you ever get bored, you should. It's fun. And might be helpful someday. Or then not but it's still fun!

Interviews and shame

I'm a satanic driver!

I hate this blog. Truly, madly, deeply! But I don't have the interest to learn how to use it well so you, my dear reader, just need to suffer. Sorry!

I did notice that I should probably change the "schoolstuff" part to "Outokumpu stuff" 'cause it's a better description. Maybe I will change it, soon. Today if I remember still after I've written this post...

First of all - all the guys in our group (Toni, Heikki and Sami) are just chauvinist pigs. They made me some kind of secretary - not because they trust me or anything. Only because I'm the one wearing the skirt! Seriously! DUDES! And once again I noticed that I should just trust myself and do stuff which I think needs to be done. There is just one thing I hate (there are a lot of things I hate but one I hate very much!) and that's making phone calls. I just hate it. One summer I was working as a telemarketer mostly 'cause I wanted to get rid off my phone call fear. It did actually work (for a while) and I got nice summer money from it! ...and it was even almost fun! Weird. Probably the shittiest job there is and I think it's fun? Well... yeah. I got more money from there than when I was working in Linnanmäki. But yeah back to the phone calls. I needed to make all of them today. I called the teacher who we were supposed to interview and then she said that 'cause we didn't tell her when we are coming etc (we thought it was allready planned?) she actually wasn't prepared. And actually didn't even have the time. Then I was like YIPPEEE! THIS IS FUN! WHAT SHALL WE DO... But then suddenly she did have time and everything went great! 

I also needed to make the phone calls for the teachers tomorrow. So it was like six calls to teachers who actually sounded like they couldn't care less if we were coming tomorrow or not. I hate making phone calls like that.

"Take a picture of meeeeeeee!"

What have I learnt? I can tell you that I'm not a fan of trying to hide the wireless microphones.... And as sure as hell in next project I'm not gonna be the sound guy, just 'cause I've done it twice now and it would be fun to try other stuff too. Even though me with camera is like... well... I don't know but the only thing I know (or remember) is (maybe) how to put the camera on... I think... So it would be fun to learn a little bit more!

Rest of the day we did interviews at our school with two persons who had gone through the Ammattistartti-thingy and we got great material from them. Happyhappyjoyjoy!

Now it's only thursday left and if everything goes well, I'm going to Vantaa (actually Helsinki...) on Friday! I'm gonna see my friend Reija and then I will have black hair again!

Oh, I shall be me again!

We are all fucked up

I realised I've learnt something! About me! Well I have learnt a lot through this year (a hell of a lot past three-four years even though my mom said it was a total waste of time to be in a school for almost four years and not get a degree) and now I've started learning something totally new in my life! Cool! But that's got nothing to do with what I was talking about now. Or does it... No I dont think so 'cause the bigger learning progress has got something to do with people and all kind of stuff concerning the stuff you need to handle in every day life. And I basically lack almost all of those kind of talents. Errr...

What I realised is that I need to speak up more. Just 'cause usually I'm right. Ok, no. That's not the reason. The reason is that I usually think a lot of stuff in my head, for example in projects, about stuff which needs to be done. And there is this weird way that I think everyone else realises the same stuff I do and then I just don't say anything. Then comes the moment when someone else realises what needs to be done and at that point it usually involves hurrying.

But the problem points are:

1. As I said - in some weird way I think people notices the same stuff I do. And if they dont bring it up, why should I? (Usually the things are written on a paper... that is one reason probably why I think I'm not the only one seeing it...)

2. I don't wanna step on anyone. And usually I have no idea what are the roles of everyone. So I have no clue where goes the line when to shut up and when to not (and I am the kind of person who usually then just shuts up). I have no clue which problems concerns me (in a way all of them if it involves group work. But then again no. SO... wtf!?)

3. I think too much and do too little. It's the basic problem of my whole (fucking) life. It's just the way I am.

Seriously thinking I feel like I'm not gonna go through this school either. Blah. Why is life so hard... It would be so much fun if someone would just tell me what are my likes and dislikes. Then I could at least be a little bit of a rebel and turn the whole thing upside down. Through my life there has only been one thing to fight against and that's ME! You can't expect one to grow to be a healthy person when you need to be the biggest enemy of yourself. And the biggest fan also. That's just fucked up basically. Besides it makes you feel really uncomfortable and insecure. On top of it all, I can't find myself that way. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. I just hate life so fucking much. Seriously. Everything is just fucked up but not enough fucked up to be sad or depressed or anything for it. Just plain stupid. Everything. Pheeew...

On top of it all - I don't want to go to Vantaa for two weeks. TWO WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS! I'm so gonna kill myself. Sorry but I just... hate Christmas. Hate the thin line of being an adult and still not being able to do as I like. That's also just fucked up.

One more fucked up thing - when you're longing for something. You know. For example missing your friends or something. I don't have that. I did before fall holiday. After that I've been just so dissapointed about my whole life. Before the vacation I could keep myself in this illusion about how Vantaa is so great and blablablablaa 'I miss so much'-shit. I actually don't miss anyone from there even though I have very important people there. But I do have them spread around the country so maybe I miss so much that I can't even feel it 'cause it's spread in little pieces? ...yeah right... I'm just not the kind of person who misses anything else but myself. Would be fun not to be so fucked up with yourself! Feet on the ground and baby steps etc.

Oh well. What else to do than just live? Oh Yeah, die in the end.

Hosting with Hanna around last Christmas (check out my hair! Much hair!)

Monday gone, tuesday free!

Headphones are a great thing! Especially if you're the sound guy. Good headphones are an amazing thing! Maybe on wednesday I shall have a bit better headphones. Those I used today wasn't that nice... Buuuuuuut everything went OK. At least I think so? Even though I was SO embarrased in the first place (in a hospital) 'cause things weren't running that smoothly. It's just so stupid that we are trying to do our stuff and nobody even seems to say 'hi' to the person we are going to interview... Errrm... And then it took so long 'cause we had little bit of problems with the camera and... pfffft.... I was just so embarrased.

The next two interviews went great. From the last one we got great material for the introduction dvd. That's about all from monday! Tomorrow we will have a day off and on wednesday and on thursday we will work like hell!

[AND LUCKY FOR US, WE WERE INTERVIEWING BUNCH OF NICE AND LIVELY TEENAGERS! ...who just laughed at us. (No, I mean 'with us'. Yeaaah right!) ]

There was a giant mole in the hospital!

Sam-Sam is our cameraman dändändää

I spotted a hidden teddy!

Reporter-director-hippiepower-Heikki

Good ones, bad ones

Just 'cause it's Friday!

The good ones;

My Ruin - Have Drink on Me (AC/DC cover)

Otep - Breed (Nirvana cover)

And the awful one....s....;

Hollywood Undead - Immigrant Song (Led Zeppelin cover)

Ok, that one is not quite so bad... But...

Hollywood Undead - Shout at the Devil (Mötley Crüe cover)

That one is. In the other hand the next one is... something in between...

Brokencyde - Low (whatever)


Then again if you happen to listen to them too much they dont sound as bad.
Still crap but not as bad as it was in the first time. But then again if there's something totally awful, why listen to it... Exactly.

I feel SO old

They are beginning to die!

Celebrities which I know, I mean.

Weird.

I feel so old.

Sad.

[So old - Sold out - Soul sold out. Great morning spirit featuring a lot of motivation coffee!]

And the fact I should be going allready... errm...

I'm seeing voices...

YET AGAIN.

SEEING VOICES.

ALL DAY LONG.

Hmm. Okay. Not yet but next week when we start shooting the presentation video for Ammattistartti.

Team of three guys spiced with glamorous female touch. The outcome should be AWESOME.

(Honestly I believe it's gonna be a disaster, at least mentally for me.)

Point was; I'm the sound guy, again.

Within these four walls

Lies the secret chambers for those who never know. Anything.

Oh why is there always a chair, a chair in my kitchen? The chair I always bump into while I'm in my sweet little kitchen. What is this magic chair and why is it in my way?

The chair is there. Always there. For me to use it, stump on it and make myself high. Oh, so high.

Best reasons always are; I'm a girl, I'm short and on top of it - I'm left handed!

For a girl who doesnt usually use much make up, I sure own a lot of it. Now why is it? Well, people usually own much stuff they dont need. But I say, it would be a lot more useful to own a freezer than eye shadows you never use.

I have the best boyfriend ever (...by the way). You can see him in that picture. And in the right corner of the picture - got it? Hey, you CANT miss it. It's the skull. Yeeeep, now you got. Goood reader! I'm so proud of you. It wasnt that hard, was it. His name is Leo and he is the sexiest man alive. Seriously. Dont laugh. He is!

Dear misty Santy Claws...

I wrote to Santa Claus! Yippee! Finally I realised that I couldn't get much deeper in my head so the answer to my big, big troublemaking question, was just glowing in front of me. SOCKS. The answer was as simple as that. What do I want for Christmas? Socks. And chocolate. And hair colour. And money. And couple of cds, maybe few dvds, dancing game for my playstation 2, Moomin dvds, body lotion...
The problem is I don't have money for a stamp. HA HA HA.

You do realize that without people like me, you would not look as healthy, beautiful and oh so dumb-flat-boringly 'normal'?

Need to add to the last one...

"Levyn kakkosraidan, Guestlist, alkaessa saattavat suomalaiset höristellä korviaan, sillä kappaleen alussa kuullaan sujuvaa suomean puhuvan poken tylytystä jollekin hankalalle asiakkaalle. Bändiltä asiaa kysyttäessä he kertovat halunneen kyseisen intron tulevan suomeksi, sillä kieli kuulostaa heidän mukaansa paljon kovemmalta kuin ruotsi. "

 "The beginning of the second song, Guestlists, might make finnish people go WTF because of the finnish speaking bouncer. When you ask from the band why finnish, the answer was that finnish sounds so much more hardcore than swedish."

 (Me translating is like... well... me speaking swedish... )

http://www.imperiumi.net/index.php?act=news&id=13212

FUCK YEAH!!!

My wallet makes money (and me very happy)

I thought there was just a two euro coin but there were five euros. YIPPEE, I'm gonna get some food for the weekend. How cool is that! Like the coolest thing EVER! 


(What was I supposed to write about... Oh yeah!)

Split Your Lip - new album from Hardcore Superstar. Me likey! I listened it through once and was like errr well it's OK, the few last songs were so much better than the few from the beginning. In the middle there were something between "Dont care" and "OK".

First of all, because I was (actually still am, got hooked) listening it through Spotify and doing other stuff at the same time, I didn't realise that the weird part spoken in Finnish was actually part of a song. While the re-round I realised it. Concentration - not my strongest ability... But hey - cool! The song itself (Guestlists) goes through my ears withouth making me shiver or anything so boring. But hey - Finnish - cool! (For those of you who dont know, it's a swedish band)

As usual there are those songs which have the one part you wait for 'cause it's just SOOOO GOOOD even though it's usually just two seconds or something. You just HAVE TO listen the whole song because of it. Ofcourse. There's no point in it if you just jump to it. 

If you have a man with the voice (which makes me go nomnom) and just a guitar. And a song named "Here comes that sick bitch" it's possible that I like it.  If you have a man with the voice (which makes me go nomnom) and just a piano. And a song named "Run to your mama" it's possible I like it.


Not bad but not mindblowing album either. Waiting for the gig!


But while waiting... Going to see a lot of heavy guys ;) ...and Ari Koivunen. Err...
Next year - seriously - I want to have the adult version of the Heavy Christmas-show. As long as we have Jarkko Ahola with his leather pants I ain't complaining. But please, please, don't put Ari Koivunen on the stage after Marco Hietala. That's just playing mean! (For the audience and for the artist... errrm...)


There is still this thing called school, I think...

There IS. There really IS even though have been home all week. Feels like thursday but it's only wednesday.Another boring weekend awaits me... Lucky me I have a lot of Hunter X Hunter on cd. Anime weekend then.

But about school. I can get absolutely nothing done. I hate independent studies or what ever you call them. I can do them if I can have them all at once. At the moment I don't have any motivation left for school 'cause I just dont get the whole thing. And it takes me a lot of energy to get in that mood for doing some essay stuff so it's just plain stupid (for me) to try to do one thing on Monday, other on Tuesday. Because getting started is always the hard part. Especially when they are rather short things I need to find out.

Top of it all I'm getting really distressed because of next period. Everyone knows I don't sleep well, I never have and never probably will (unless I'm sick*) and I've already had nightmares about the 3rd period. Just when I got rid of the last nightmare-series. COOOOL....!

(*The first thing I noticed few years back when I was in a hospital, was that when I got better I didn't sleep anymore. Just wandered around the room and the hallway which was the only place I was allowed to walk. You can't believe how happy a person can be after three weeks of being just a bed patient, to be allowed to walk one stupid hallway. Oh the memories! I just LOVE my legs and I just LOVE walking. Love love love love love it! My precious little legs, always ready to carry me away from unpleasant situations. L O V E THEM! ..that's why I hate myself for being really lazy in Outokumpu, hmmph...)